Breakup recovery just got real.
Dear Members and future members of EXaholics,
There is a very noticeable difference between EXaholics and several online resources for heartbreak. For one, we're opposed to gimmicks created to slyly imitate breakup recovery tools. For example, we don't ask members to login and choose emojis to express themselves, the way a child might be asked to do by a grade school psychologist. We are also opposed to half-baked programs, many of them expensive, that claim to show you how to get an EX back. We find these to be very exploitative. They amount to scams that set us back emotionally and financially.
Believing in the Tools of Recovery
We very much believe in the tools of breakup recovery. The way we see it, the work of recovery is what gives us a chance to heal, in a way that has the potential to create better opportunities to become connected and live life in a more fulfilling way.
However, this comes with real and sustained effort. Yes, it takes effort to login to spill our guts and share where we are on the path. It takes effort to login and declare a day count. And it takes effort for new members to connect in the chat room and participate alongside more experienced members
We should all feel some optimism about the fact that an honest effort has the potential to deliver results. If there's anything we've learned it's that real healing and hard work go hand in hand. And when we do the work, the healing feels that much more significant. Because anything we do in life in which we've put in an honest day's work, pays satisfying dividends. And not only that, this kind of lasting satisfaction lays the foundation upon which self confidence in future relationships is built.
Just Showing Up Isn't Enough
At the same time, if we think just "showing up" and short term relief are enough, we are run the risk of short changing ourselves. Because the more effort we place in breakup recovery over a longer stretch--until we heal in a well rounded way--the greater the chance we'll learn more about ourselves and avoid the same pitfalls in the future.
We suggest that everyone, regardless of stage of breakup recovery, to post daily check-ins. We suggest everyone under 6 months--since having initiated contact with an EX--post their day count declarations, regardless of the day they are on. ( more about counting days found here: https://www.exaholics.com/2013/01/22/counting-days/ )
We strongly suggest joining live chat to connect in real time with real feelings. Remember that feeling mildly better after joining is only the beginning. There's a larger more fulfilling goal of a better life that we continuously hope to pursue, one day at a time. We suggest everyone post their feelings today.
It also helps to comment on posts from other members. For example, you may want to reply to this post below from one of our members. Maybe you can share what worked for you when you felt this way. Or maybe you can share how you can relate to her at this very moment. Here's what she had to say:
The Struggle Is Real
"I still struggle to get over my ex. It is not logical to want to go back to him, I still want to though. I know he is not healthy for me and cannot make me happy in the long run. But on the other hand in the good moments I was the happiest human being with him. Like a drug I say… I needed him as he needed me, but in the end we would have destroyed each other for sure. Yes, it is so hard that they can be so emotionless. But now I wonder why I always want to save people and why I chose the most sick and difficult ones, and that is an interesting topic to dig into… but not easy to accept and change, but possible. I still dream of my ex during nights, miss him terribly. Also I still check him out on social media sand I assume he might be in a new relationship. I am not sure – it hurts me already. I try so hard not to think about it and try to concentrate on myself again.
Despite Everything, I Still Somehow Feel Love
The hurtful thing is that I still think I truly love this man despite all. And I think that he also had true feelings for me, despite all that's happened. And that our love has no chance is so damn hard to accept. It takes all of me to let go. It makes me so sad to have lost him. But it makes me mad too that he is the way he is and that we couldn’t work things out. Then I wonder if I would have still loved him the way I do if he was different… all in all it was an intense relationship, a deep love, a roller coaster, very romantic, very dramatic, highly physical, endless exciting, draining me and occupying me… we were feeling alive for sure and in daily struggles now I sure miss these exciting emotions.
He tried to control me I also tried to control him in the sense of trying to save him from his problems, instead of dealing with my own. It is so hard to accept that I can not heal or help him. It makes me sad and angry… because I truly love and want him and we fit together so well. But I have no control here anymore and never really had. I guess he cut me out of his heart already and is emotionless towards me. This gives me the rest truly… I wish him the best and I keep my love for him somewhere inside me and need to learn to let go truly and to live on without him in my life. I want to have children and a family and a responsible man you know. So I needed to make a decision. I sometimes wonder if I made the right choice. I really hope so."
Would You Like To Read More From EXaholics? Here's an article about the question to friend or unfriend your EX on social media.
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