For me– learning, applying, and living this concept has been the most valuable part of joining the exaholics community.
For myself, I think the greatest benefit is giving myself something else to focus on. In the early days of my breakup, even though I couldn’t put it into these terms at the time, my brain was just broken. I was addicted to how my ex made my brain feel when I was in her presence or in contact with her. And having been cut off from that drug, my brain was completely fixated on how to rejoin her good graces & be with her again. In those days I would’ve said it differently. “She’s the one,” “I need to work on myself so I can fix this,” etc. etc. But the reality is: my brain was broken, and I couldn’t even be honest with myself.
So instead of continuing to obsess over her, and what she was doing, I began to count days NIC. Unlike counting days NC, she has no part in the equation of NIC. So instead of spending a lot of time wondering, “Why hasn’t she called?,” or “I wonder why she’s not reaching out to me,” I’m focused on myself and my activity.
And in doing so, I began rebuilding my life. When you’re building anything, it happens brick by brick. One brick at a time. Or, in this case, one day at a time. There’s no point in letting my mind be fixated with what might happen in a month, or 3 months. None of that. I’m thinking about today & not initiating contact today.
The results for me were wonderful. Eventually my brain didn’t feel dependent on her anymore. I returned to normal, but not even really normal. I’m a better version of myself today because I’m continuing to stack bricks. I’m building something important right now (a business), and it happens one day at a time. It’s a much better way to live than the way I used to live, with anxiety & trying to control someone else by obsessing over them.
I’m one of the biggest advocates here for counting days NIC because it helped me get sober & begin building a better life for myself.