My Breakup Recovery Really Started Taking Off With EX Sobriety

by SoberFromEX

For me– learning, applying, and living this concept has been the most valuable part of joining the exaholics community.

For myself, I think the greatest benefit is giving myself something else to focus on. In the early days of my breakup, even though I couldn’t put it into these terms at the time, my brain was just broken. I was addicted to how my ex made my brain feel when I was in her presence or in contact with her. And having been cut off from that drug, my brain was completely fixated on how to rejoin her good graces & be with her again. In those days I would’ve said it differently. “She’s the one,” “I need to work on myself so I can fix this,” etc. etc. But the reality is: my brain was broken, and I couldn’t even be honest with myself.

So instead of continuing to obsess over her, and what she was doing, I began to count days NIC. Unlike counting days NC, she has no part in the equation of NIC. So instead of spending a lot of time wondering, “Why hasn’t she called?,” or “I wonder why she’s not reaching out to me,” I’m focused on myself and my activity.

And in doing so, I began rebuilding my life. When you’re building anything, it happens brick by brick. One brick at a time. Or, in this case, one day at a time. There’s no point in letting my mind be fixated with what might happen in a month, or 3 months. None of that. I’m thinking about today & not initiating contact today.

The results for me were wonderful. Eventually my brain didn’t feel dependent on her anymore. I returned to normal, but not even really normal. I’m a better version of myself today because I’m continuing to stack bricks. I’m building something important right now (a business), and it happens one day at a time. It’s a much better way to live than the way I used to live, with anxiety & trying to control someone else by obsessing over them.

I’m one of the biggest advocates here for counting days NIC because it helped me get sober & begin building a better life for myself.




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