This is a serious program. It’s hard work and there are no gimmicks. The twelve steps are key to recovery. You may be familiar with the success of traditional 12 step recovery programs related to alcohol and other addictive behaviors. To be very clear, we are not going so far as to say ex's themselves are an addiction. Rather, we place value in much of the research that explains how our brain chemistry is affected by love and love withdrawal.
By accepting these steps and incorporating them in our daily lives, we may find a path to peace and sanity. We work these steps regardless of how motivated we feel on any given day. We have faith that eventually things will fall into place. It is important to understand that feeling relief through recovery comes with effort over time. It doesn't happen in one moment or one day. But we are special people. Which is why we’re here. We’ve been presented with a unique challenge. And we can meet this challenge.
Steps are hard work. There will be times, when actually putting in the work will seem like a drag. But far more often than not, we will find caring, friendship, love, laughter, and so many wonderful rewards for our efforts.
Perhaps at this very moment, the notion of making any kind of effort may seem pointless. It’s difficult to find a sense of purpose when we’re down. Well, day after day, as the layers of pain, frustration, and misery peel away, we’ll realize how purposeful this is.
Remember, this is a one-day-at-a-time approach. Just for today, we live and incorporate the principles of the Exaholics program. Again, just for today! We don’t concern ourselves with tomorrow until tomorrow becomes today.
With that, here are the Exaholics Steps of Recovery:
Step One - We acknowledge to ourselves and fellow members that we feel powerless over our thoughts and emotions about our ex, and we struggle daily in life as a result.
Step Two – We have come to believe that those in our support network, who share in our stress, are the ones to turn to for love and support
Step Three – We place our faith in this kindred network of unconditional support, and trust that with their support we have the power to heal and grow
Step Four – We begin to accept our support network as an integral part of our lives, allowing the love and acceptance we find here to help us heal and rebuild our strength.
Step Five – We use the feedback of our support network to help us develop a more complete understanding of who we are, and where we need to grow
Step Six- We resolve to become stronger, wiser, happier people as a result of what we learned from our past relationships, so that we might have more joyful and loving relationships in the future
Step Seven – We made the decision that we were ready to improve ourselves with the help of our support network and /or our inner wisdom.
Step Eight – We ask our support network to help us identify and remove all of our unhealthy relationship patterns, and we commit to practicing healthy new relationship skills with our network
Step Nine – Make a list of all the persons who our unhealthy relationship patterns have injured in the past, and who we must make amends to
Step Ten – Directly apologize and make amends to these persons except in cases where it might be injurious to them
Step Eleven – We continue our efforts to understand ourselves and admit our character flaws without delay. We continue to strengthen our relationships within our network
Step Twelve – Having had a spiritual rebirth through the practice of these steps, we present these healing steps to Exaholics who are in emotional pain.