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Top 5 worst things you can do after a breakup

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1) Do not go on your ex’s Facebook page: One of the most tempting things you will encounter immediately following a breakup is the easy access you may have to your ex’s Facebook page. While you may feel seeing what your ex is or isn’t doing may make you feel better, chances are it will only cause you anxiety over the level of over-analyzing about every post, picture, comment etc. By “creeping” your ex’s page, you continue to allow them the opportunity to break your heart over and over again.

2) Don’t post any pictures or updates on any social networking site: The problem with Facebook and other types of social networking sites after a breakup are the access that both you and your ex have with one another through “social updates”. Whether it’s posting overly positive updates, or sad pathetic updates, both provide your ex with insight that they can interpret any way that they choose. The best way to make them wonder what is going on with you is to completely disappear online, leaving them to wonder what you are doing, and why you have become invisible to them. At least for a time, not forever.

3) Don’t “Drunk Dial” your ex: The worst thing you can do is to put yourself in a situation where you are vulnerable, social, and lacking inhibitions. Typically the bar encompasses all of these things, and can lead you on a direct path to the late night “drunk dial.” While it may seem like a good idea at the time, anyone who has ever engaged in this behavior knows that the next day is typically filled with regret and anxiety. The drunk dial allows your ex to do one of two things.

a) Your Ex can make you feel pathetic and sad, or
b) They may not answer which will leave you suspicious, anxious, and sad. Either way it is a dangerous proposition and one that should be avoided at all costs, even if it means either skipping the bar, or leaving your phone at home.

4) Don’t have “revenge hook-ups”: Often after a breakup we feel the need to connect with a person physically, hoping to fill a void that our ex has left in our hearts. Often we try to fill this void with a spontaneous hook up. In theory this is a good idea, however in application it usually only brings more hurt, humiliation and regret. Your ex has already hurt you enough; there is no reason to put yourself in a risky situation, or one that you will regret in order to try to replace loneliness with instant gratification. Once the excitement ends, so does the comfort and companionship.

5) Don’t Air your dirty laundry: Typically when we are hurt from a breakup, we either don’t want to talk about it at all, or all we want to do is talk. Both are bad, and talking too much typically has a quicker negative effect then the former. One of the main things that you want to accomplish when recovering from a breakup is not allowing your ex to know how much they have hurt you. A quick way to ensure that you fail in this, is too air your dirty laundry all over town, and leaving the possibility that your ex will hear what you are saying open. If they hear that you are speaking negatively about your relations that will only strengthen their decision to end the relationship, and let them know that you are not over them. If you were over the relationship, it would no longer be something that would be on your mind and lips.

The best way to avoid these 5 pitfalls are to remember that only you can provide yourself with the closure necessary to overcome your break-up, and you have the power, strength, and control to raise your standards and find someone who deserves you.

Dr. Matt Borer is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and EXaholics.com contributor
www.mattborer.com

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  • cycling started the topic 63 in the forum Counting Days Forum 1 minute ago

    Why after 63 days do I still think about her every day? What is my problem. I just want to move on.

  • yopuedo replied to the topic Regretting my decision in the forum LGBT Forum 2 minutes ago

    you didnt make a mistake. I am in a similar situation. My ex whom just broke up with me today…well it was mutual kind of…she has been on and off with a man ( i am a girl)for more than 6 years. She tried to do some polyamorous thing with us and knew that I couldnt but she has been having him try for ten years. She just told me she would love me…[Read more]

  • cycling started the topic new/old in the forum MAIN Daily Check-In 7 minutes ago

    I’ve just joined this group, not because I can’t find a way to not contact my ex, but because I have succeeded in non contact for some time, more than a couple months now, yet still I have a steady stream of thought about her. I just want it to stop. I don’t know how to stop it.

  • Kiva replied to the topic The other side in the forum MAIN Daily Check-In 26 minutes ago

    @Yellowrose I just read your previous post about what your ex is haunted by. Uh, it doesn’t sound much different than want we’re going through, no? Haunted by the rejection we feel from our exes? Are we supposed to go out and damage someone else, then? Does that make it right? I want to weep.

  • Kiva replied to the topic The other side in the forum MAIN Daily Check-In 30 minutes ago

    @Yellowrose I’ve said that too. I love too deep and too hard. It’s probably way too intense and I should dial it down. Believe me, I know I have insecurity and self-esteem issues, which I do not portray to the outside world at all. On the contrary. But they’re in there. Yet I have not been able to exorcise them, even with professional advice. Sucks.